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Change Me Slowly ~ Chapter 5
------------------------------------------- Sector Eight was quiet as Zack wandered slowly through the near empty streets. Where he did encounter people outside small shops or on the sidewalks, they shied away from him nervously. He knew that, even out of uniform as he was today, he still carried the unmistakeable air and presence of SOLDIER, but he couldn't help wishing that they didn't react so. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, scowling at the pavement. SOLDIER was meant to protect the people of Midgar, but people seemed to see them as a threat. Maybe the war with Wutai had disillusioned them all about Shinra's intentions. Everyone in the ranks knew by now that the whole war had been about Wutai's Mako-rich mountains. What the residents of Midgar believed was another story, convoluted and fabricated entirely by Shinra PR. Something about Shinra being provoked and given no choice but to retaliate, for the most part. Lies and more lies, Zack thought grumpily. He kicked half-heartedly at a stone and sent it spinning into the air ahead of him. "OUCH!" someone exclaimed. Zack jerked his head up. "Shit! I'm sor --" "Zack?" He blinked, but the girl standing a few feet in front of him, rubbing her ankle, was still the flower girl he'd met in the slums a couple weeks ago. "I, uh, that is... Aeris?" Collecting his scattered brain cells, he walked over to her. "I'm really sorry. Are you alright?" She smiled kindly at him. "Yes. It just grazed my ankle and startled me, that's all." "What are you doing up here?" he asked curiously, then winced as he realized that she could take that the wrong way. "I mean, I didn't expect to see you on the Plate." She laughed. "I sell flowers, silly, and the people on the Plates have more money for such luxuries." "True." He smiled a little nervously. "But what are you doing here --" she waved a hand to encompass the market around her, "-- anyway? Shouldn't you be at the Shinra building?" He grimaced, thinking of his earlier conversation with Cloud. "I do have a life. Shinra doesn't own all of it." "That's good," she replied, her eyes suddenly serious. "Don't ever let them take that away from you." Then she was smiling again, leaving him wondering just what she knew about Shinra. "I was just on my way back home, anyway. I sold all my flowers today... but that means I don't have any for you." She seemed honestly disappointed by that. "Oh, don't worry about it. Some other time." He glanced around the street, realizing they were only a block or so from the train station. "Can I walk you to the station?" he asked. Her answering smile was bright and sunny. "That would be very nice of you, Zack. Thank you." He offered her his arm, and she tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow. "I was hoping you would come back to the garden," she said wistfully. Zack winced, thinking of how he'd been avoiding even thinking about their previous encounter. "I've been busy," he said. She sighed. "That's what I'd guessed. You must have an awful lot to do, being First Class and all." He stopped walking. "How did you know that?" he asked, turning to face her. Her eyes went very round. "Oh! Your uniform. You were wearing it last time, remember? I... I thought everybody knew that." He smiled to relieve her nervousness, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. Not everybody knew that. In fact, very few people outside of Shinra could tell the difference in SOLDIERs' ranks just by looking at their uniforms. "My mother told me the difference," she continued, tugging gently on his arm. He let her lead him down the sidewalk. "She knew a lot of things like that. Things other people don't really notice. She taught me how to grow plants and flowers, too." "Ah," he replied. "Your mother... she's gone, then?" "My birth mother, yes. She's been... gone... for quite some time." Her tone was thoughtful, but not sad. "But I have another mother, who's taken care of me for years. She's wonderful, too. What are your parents like?" Zack glanced down at her. "Old fashioned." "How do you mean?" she asked curiously, looking up at him wide-eyed. He sighed. "Well, they didn't want me to leave home to join SOLDIER. Said there were plenty of jobs at the reactor in Gongaga, if I really wanted to work for Shinra. We argued about it, and in the end, I just left. I haven't been back either." She absorbed all this in silence. "Don't you miss them?" she asked after a few moments. Zack sighed again. "No. Not really. Life goes on." "Yes, it does," she replied. "It flows on and on, just like water." They'd reached the station gates. Inside, a train whistle blew, and someone yelled: "All aboard!" "Oh my goodness!" Aeris exclaimed. "I have to go! Will I see you soon?" "Maybe," Zack hedged. "You better hurry. Take care." "You too. Be careful, Zack." She smiled and squeezed his arm gently before dashing off into the station. He stood where he was until he heard the train pull away. He thought he caught a glimpse of Aeris waving to him from behind one of the plexiglass windows, and slowly raised his hand to wave as well. But he couldn't be sure. You talk too much, he told himself as he turned and walked slowly away. Why tell her about your parents? He shook his head, stuffing his hands deep in his pant pockets. Wonder what she's gonna tell her mother about me.... Maybe I should write to my parents. They'd love to hear from me, and hear that I'd met a girl. It had been years since he'd left home, and at least a year since the last time he'd written. Every time he wrote, it was with the hope that they'd changed. They never seemed to, or if they did, it was too small a change too slowly. They still couldn't accept that he did not want to go home. Yet as he walked back to the barracks, he ended up mentally drafting the letter to his parents. He didn't know if he'd ever write it, let alone send it. But at least he would think about it.
* * * "Why'd you take my flower?" Zack asked, pouring himself a glass of juice. He closed the fridge door and turned to face the rest of the suite. Sephiroth looked up at him from across the living room. "What flower?" Zack waved a hand at the windowsill. "The yellow one that was there, in the bottle, the last time you were here... ah, two or three weeks ago, I guess." His lover stared at him blankly. "Never mind," he said with a sigh. Crossing the room, he curled up on the couch. He let his eyes roam admiringly over his lover, who, for once, was not wearing his uniform. Instead, he was dressed in loose, black silk pants and matching shirt. Zack himself was shirtless, having only pulled on a pair of soft cotton pants after he showered. "So --" Zack began. "You were with him again today," Sephiroth interrupted. Zack studied his lover's face, but it remained studiously blank. "Yeah," he replied slowly. "I agreed to practice with him every other day." Sephiroth didn't respond, seeming intently preoccupied on something else. "I like spending time with him. He's got a good sense of humour, which is a rare thing around here, let me tell you.... Although, come to think of it, Reno's pretty good company that way, if you can ever get him in one place for more than 30 seconds at a time. But Cloud, he's sweet. I dunno, maybe it's that adorable innocent youth thing he does. He sure blushes eas --" "You were flirting with him," Sephiroth growled suddenly, as if he had just tuned in to Zack's rambling. "And what's wrong with that?" Zack asked innocently. "Even you -- hey! Were you spying on me? I thought you trusted me, Seph." He was more than a little insulted and offended at the thought. He was completely caught off guard when Sephiroth lunged off the couch and tumbled him to the floor. Hasty hands tugged his pants down as Seph forced him to his knees on the carpet. His lover pinned Zack's wrists with one hand while he pulled his own pants down with the other. "Seph! Don't... unh... stop! Fuck... not like this... " he gasped, but Sephiroth ignored him. Shit, this is gonna hurt! he thought, struggling beneath the taller man. He shifted sideways, but ran into the corner of the coffee table, and cringed back toward Sephiroth. "Mine," his lover growled, tangling his fingers in Zack's black hair. He thrust into Zack hard and fast as Zack cried out and tried to pull away again. Sephiroth kept a tight grip on Zack's hair, and wrapped his other hand around Zack's penis. He moaned in mixed pleasure and pain as Sephiroth stroked and thrust. Rhythm and sensation overwhelmed him and he gave in, leaning into his lover's thrusts. As the world exploded around him and Seph came deep inside him, he heard that deep voice again: "Mine." "Yours," he answered raggedly.
Sephiroth sighed and rolled over so he faced away from his lover. Zack thought he was avoiding the question, but a few minutes later, he answered. "I just don't know, Zack." His voice was muffled as his cheek lay against Zack's arm. "Some days, I would like nothing better than to get to know him, to court him, maybe even to tumble him into bed with us. He is good-looking," he admitted. "I am impressed by his dedication, his commitment, and yes, his skill, too. He learns quickly and learns well." He sighed, his breath tickling the tiny hairs on Zack's forearm. "But other times.... It's like... well, the easiest way to describe it is like looking through a stranger's eyes from inside my own mind." Zack stiffened slightly, remembering the first time Seph had caught him practicing with Cloud. His lover didn't notice his reaction, and kept talking. "It feels like I'm watching myself snarling at you, ranting about him. I hate it! And I struggle against it, but sometimes...." He sighed again and Zack slowly stroked his long, silver hair, trying to radiate encouragement. "Sometimes, it's too strong -- like earlier. Gods, I hate myself for it! I hate losing control of myself like that." He buried his face in the crook of Zack's arm. "I'm sorry, Zack," he mumbled. "I don't want to hurt you." Zack stroked his hair slowly, not knowing what to say. He could only hope it wasn't a by-product of the Mako infusions finally rearing its ugly head. All SOLDIERs underwent them multiple times: as part of the trial to enter SOLDIER, and again each time they advanced a rank. He'd seen men driven mad by it, screaming about the things in their heads, clawing themselves bloody trying to dig out the voices in their heads. Hojo and Scarlett considered such men failures, refusing to acknowledge that what they were doing was inhuman, cruel, and unnecessary. The infusions did nothing to increase SOLDIERs' abilities; more often than not, they destroyed fine warriors instead. And he knew, had always known, that the General had more Mako and gods only knew what else in his blood and body than any other human being. But he'd never doubted his lover's sanity. Seph could be calm, cool, and calculating, or spontaneous and playful, but he was always sane. He was a multi-faceted man, a genius with words and sword. He was not mad. But since Cloud had appeared.... Zack sighed heavily and pulled Sephiroth closer. His lover turned in his arms to nestle his head against Zack's chest. "I'm scared, Zack," he whispered, almost inaudibly. "I'm scared of losing myself." "You won't. It'll be okay," he murmured.
And if the force of his will could make it so, it would be. He was not going to let Seph go mad. Not if there was anything he could do about it.
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